MuSiC oF mY LiFe

~~Sunday, July 02, 2006~~

feelin' sucky. as much as i wud lyk 2 hide. I'm sry peeps. i cant help but say, I m feelin downright terrible. duno y. accumulation of stresses amt. to a great deal of bad habits huh. maybe when i blog, i shld get slight more extreme, cos its always ages till i blog ANOTHER post. so yeah. readers, jus practise SELECTIVE reading alrite? Or rather, just move ur cursor to the top right hand corner and CLOSE this window rite NOW. Thanx. Ha.

i hate my situation now.
I hate being in Yr 3.
I hate letting pple down.
I hate feigning ignorance.
I hate my incompetence.
I hate my weak emotions.
I hate my helpless soul.
I hate my bad habits.

yes. i dislike it when i cant get to do tinks that i want to. Who doesn't huh...duh. I used to give a promise that my studies wun get affected by my cca. so that my parents can get off my back and give me a peace of my mind when i spend my free time at my cca...but i cant get cocky anymore cos the scores r dropping and its nt as if i din put in effort..tho' its nt as much as it used to be. does effort = gd grades start to apply to me ALREADY? HAH.

Den next to that i just cant hide it when i see tinks outta place or things going the wrong way. Its my duty or rather my personality to want to make tinks rite...if i can. BUT...i cant! HAH. Cos i m always not there when tinks start to go wrong. I am ALWAYS there to witness the downfall or failure. Y?

Wat's more when i just cant control situation, let it get out of hand and affects my mood? Tried ways of cooling down, of solving e prob, of forgetting the prob, of RUNNIN away from it. But it jus all comes back to me..cos my mind will jus re-play wadever it has gone thru and tis is terrible man..

as a result, bad habits occur. U tink i dun wanna slp? Nt i dun wan, either i CANT cos of deadlines or cos i CANT GET TO SLP. U tink i dun wanna cut it down or stop it? HAH. Its NOT unstoppable..but i dun have the determination now. NO 100% intention too either. sorry dude, accept it k?

the negative post ain jus ANOTHER negative post alrite. every post i make here i will read it thru again to REFLECT. guess that's wad that keeps me improving or wad ba rite? haha..hua bei shang cheng li qi to keep moving on. After all the nagging and grumbles, at the end of the day, its the lesson learnt or wad that push us to be a better person. haha.. moving on to BETTER stuffs i dun wanna miss out to mention..

i love mondays.
i love my guitar.
i love my peeps (sch n out).
i love my lab partner. (if e scolding is gentler)
i love my teh-si-kosong-ping.

haha. i love tinks with or w/o a reason..as long as i feel happy..keke...wadever. crapz. ok. enuff of naggins in a day. lalala...i m a happy person now. =) Till next time.

P.S: i m a super milky smoky red-haired cow that can support any fren forever till tt fren ask me to stop..so make use of me! hahah...

12:53 AM